Coming Into My Own

As you probably know, my wife Vanessa and I have a Patreon where we post about all the news, projects and material that’s percolating in our lives. One regular section is the MAGIC MONDAY every… you guessed it… Monday. Once a week we share magical workings, techniques, essays, developments, projects, philosophy etc with our Patreon Community. And once a year we publish these posts in book form.

You can check out our Patreon here.

(The Magic Monday posts are available for the $5 or more patrons)

Today’s post is so special to me that I have decided to publish it here at Fenris HQ too. Hopefully you will find it interesting and relevant. Thank You!

Magic Monday: Coming Into My Own

Last week Vanessa and I were in Stockholm. That in itself was a big thing as we hadn’t visited our old hometown for two and a half years. It was just a brief in-and-out, and no really major changes could be seen in the urban landscape, thank the gods!

The reason for our trip was that I had been invited to introduce two new documentaries at Bio Capitol, Stockholm’s best indie cinema. The films? Scott Cummings’s ”Realm of Satan” and David Charles Rodrigues’s ”S/He Is Still Her/e” about Church of Satan members and Genesis P-Orridge, respectively. We had seen both films before, and like them a lot. So it was honoring to be invited even though they aren’t ”my” films in any way. Well… I am in ”Realm of Satan” briefly, and the final credits music is the old White Stains classic ”Sweet Jayne.” And the Gen film uses videos and photos I’ve shot, so… I’m in there a little bit.

So far, so good. Lovely evening; meeting up with old friends, some of which we hadn’t met since before the pandemic – the last occasion for most of us was actually the screening of my LaVey documentary ”Into the Devil’s Den” in January of 2020 at the very same cinema!

Back at the hotel and trying to sleep, various mind-threads gelled and led to an insight…

No wonder really, as that night contained a full moon lunar eclipse in Pisces (here’s how the renowned astrologer Chani described it: ”This event spotlights anything lurking in the shadows, and as the first lunar eclipse of its kind in nearly two decades, it denotes a new wave of artistry, idealism, and mysticism. Because the eclipse is also conjunct Neptune (the planet of illusion), it pulls focus toward any ways we’ve been deceiving ourselves. But/and Saturn (the planet of structure) is nearby in Pisces, bringing a touch of pragmatism to the party. So follow your whims — just don’t forget to come back down to Earth.”)

During both introductions I had told the same old story once again: my mid 1980s admiration for LaVey and Jayne Mansfield led to the White Stains record ”Sweet Jayne” which Genesis P-Orridge suggested I send to LaVey just for the hell of it. Which I did, and which led to me getting a vey nice letter back, and with LaVey making me a member of the Church of Satan. And eventually a long and fruitful friendship. One of life’s little mysteries, apparently, how doors can open up when you least expect them to… Small decisions and creations can lead to massive transformations of your life.

Further on down the line, I paid my dues both backwards and forwards, in, for instance, the ”Change Itself” film and Sacred Intent book (about Gen), and the ”Into the Devil’s Den” film and Anton LaVey and the Church of Satan book. Because that’s what you do: you honor the teachers and mentors, and carry on in a similar spirit, yet in your own language and energy frequency.

But the insight you’re so politely waiting for is this… A classic ”What if?” Or, rather, a ”What if not?” conundrum. What if I hadn’t sent that record to LaVey in the first place? I would definitely not have been there in that moment at that cinema… and would that double bill even have happened? LaVey and Gen would of course have existed anyway and left their marks. But I do believe my working with their ”spirits” and presences in writing my own biographies over the past decade have helped them both resurface considerably. That has been intentional on my part.

My perceived centrality of the moment (as ”introducer”) didn’t only have to do with my own feeling appreciated; I was also literally re-experiencing part of my magical lineage in a poetic vortex that also included the audience itself (which contained Stockholm old school TOPY, OTO and Church of Satan people with whom I have worked magically over the decades) as a fascinating resonance box. In ”Realm of Satan” I read from the Swedish translation of LaVey’s Satanic Bible that I published in 1996, and the film itself ends with my own literal entry into LaVey’s / the Devils’ Den by playing ”Sweet Jayne.”  And in the ”S/He is Her/e” film my integrated video of Gen reciting a poem (from ”Change Itself”) really rocked me because I was the one filming that poetic delivery (Oslo, 2014) with my camera/eye – with Gen literally talking to me:

Cut your SELF up,

See who you really are…

See who is really there…

The more detached one is from a role in someone elses’s script

The easier it becomes to create a new one.

Is THIS you?

Is this contrived character YOU?

Who is directing YOU?

Who is directing who?

There are more than one of you.

Choose another you.

Although I have read and heard this so many times, it sort of penetrated my rational resistance in that moment at the cinema. So true! I have come a long way, and soon it’s time for the RELEASE of my autobiography Meetings with Remarkable Magicians (Oct 1st). Is this a shedding of skin, a rebirth, a metamorphosis, a reformulation…? Am I now detached from my role in someone else’s script? I would say so, and hope so!

The full moon lunar eclipse and on to the very recent Autumnal Equinox (and today’s 23 celebration ov course!) was also tied to a text I wrote in my notebook the week before – and actually fiddled with on the train up to Stockholm. Sometimes I just write stuff, and it never ends up anywhere. But revisiting this text just a few days ago, it made such perfect sense in the big scheme of things; I can see it totally connected to the cosmic shifts as well as my insights post-movie-introductions.

I guess the moral or teaching of this story is that there are always full circles going on, but of different sizes and importances. Intuitive creativity is a very powerful form of psychoanalysis that leaves self-awareness (and self-deception) behind. When you take a step back and check not only what’s going on at work (whichever that may be or mean) but also the astrology and also your ongoing intuitive creations, you are very likely to reach insights like mine: I am ready to rock, on my own, and in my own words. Respect where respect is due, and much love and gratitude in paying backwards and forwards. But the only time is now, no matter how comfortable it is at times to cling to the past.

On that note, here is the text I wrote the week before the Stockholm trip:

Authority

Recently, I fully embraced my magical authority. Quite simply, this was done not by mental shenanigans but by beginning to (inter)act within the role. A positioning of myself inside a force field that already existed, in great part thanks to the long-time projections of others. It’s remarkable how hard this has been for me. Beginning to help others see themselves was a great help in this process. Concretely, to ”launch” the Source Magic Mentorship and not only get acknowledgments (as per usual) but also commercialized interactions. I love the model, the modality, the modus (operandi). I am simply so good at being the spiritual/magical teacher! I have come into my own.

While on the podcast ”Occult Rejects” recently I had to formulate myself as well as the Meetings with Remarkable Magicians book for unknowing yet fairly curious Americans. Focusing not only on my pedigree but also on my capacity to formulate and inspire by example made me realize that I am indeed very special and unique in the magical ”community.”

It’s taken me ”two times Saturn” to individuate to the degree I have. This is undoubtedly as important as the pedigree and teaching in itself… A balanced position within a scene or community that seems tho thrive on or even feed off imbalanced minds is truly unique.

What I can offer, I offer through the books and other creations, and also through the Source Magic Mentorships. It gives me great satisfaction to inspire people to help themselves, whether short or long term.

My experience is tangible and visceral, and I know very well how to share it with others. Those who are interested can take me at face value or as a composite of the pedigree and its glamor, or both. To me, it is now all the same.

The Society of Sentience as an anti-structure to facilitate accumulation of original material and its dissemination has grown very slowly and organically over the decades. The work has been private or shared with a very few. For me, it’s been very rewarding to be immersed in this kind of structural creation although essentially it’s not needed. But I accept my psychological predisposition and am more than willing to work with it. It is a learning process also for myself.

I would say that the Source Magic Mentorship is already integrated within the SoS, if it actually hasn’t been all along the way.

Integrated is also the system/anti-system called the No-handed Path, signifying a transcendental dissolution of attitudes and decidedly religious approaches within the so-called Left-handed Path (more so than in the Right-handed one). It makes a whole lot of sense housed within the already supremely holistic SoS model.

There is kinship/resonance with the ancient Green Dragon Society that has yet to be explained. But what I already have and have created is a remarkable accumulation of useable methods and philosophies that I know can help other people. A stronger synthesis and, paradoxically perhaps, anti-system will be beneficial for visibility and contacts.

Carl Abrahamsson, September 2023, finalized on the 23rd.

—

A relevant Post P.S: This autumn I will have some time to take on new sessions with individuals who are genuinely interested in Source Magic Mentorship – a process of intuitive individuation in tandem with talismanic creativity. If you want to know more and/or book sessions with me, please e-mail me at CARL at CARLABRAHAMSSON dot COM.